Balok

TLDR: I have a Justicar character who is running some sort of black market enterprise on the side and profiting from the war. I suppose the obvious choice for what he deals would be weapons, but that’s sort of predictable. What would be something cool that he could be running that would have something to do with the war? I don’t want it to be something like skooma or drugs. Detailed update: OK, I’m back! Not to necro my own thread, but I’ve been extremely busy building, scripting and creating in the CK, and I’m at a point where I’m back on story writing. I’ve basically got the mechanics in place all the way through my quest up to the point where I need to start writing the next part of the story to know where I’m going. So, here’s a short run down of what I have. (This only hits the important stages, the real thing is MUCH more in depth.) Messenger delivers note to Player to go find Marcus in Dead Mans Drink. Player talks to Marcus, agrees to go to Helgen Keep to find Valerius. Player returns to Marcus and escorts Marcus to Helgen Keep. Give Marcus & Val 24 hours to talk privately. Talk to Valerius who asks you to go find Korst who is missing. Infiltrate the new Thalmor Prison to find and free Korst. Search the prison for Intel. Read Intel. (more on this below) Return Korst to Val, give Val the Intel. Speak to Marcus about more guards for Helgen. Option - Join the Stormcloaks or Imperials to be able to ask for their help. (additional small “favor†type side quest required) Option – Recruit hired guards from around the province. (5 total) Return to Helgen to see Marcus or Korst. New workers and guards are in place and doing their jobs, and clean up has begun! Speak to Valerius about the strange woman (prostitute?) (All of this is in the CK, working properly, and is waiting for final dialog and voice talent.) (Note on the guards: If player chooses a faction path, there will be a new NPC named Oaken-Heart they meet at an Imperial or Stormcloak camp to get the favor quest mentioned above. 3 days or so after the favor quest, the guards & Oaken-Heart will be transferred from their current assignment at the camp to guard Helgen. For the Independent path, after recruiting all 5 recruits, I’ll have a humorous “drill sergeant†type scene where Korst lines them all up and berates them, makes them run laps and so forth like "Full Metal Jacket" just funnier. Then, Korst will ask player to take each one out on an evaluation mission to see what they’re made of. These missions will handled by the vanilla radiant system so they are random. As soon as the guards arrive however, workers also show up and start cleaning up all the rubble piles around town. I have stations set up where they go and beat and bang, hoe and shovel to simulate cleaning up.) Note on the Intel at the new Thalmor prison: This intel reveals the head Justicar who is in charge of this new prison. He has recently been transferred here from a previous assignment, and in his personal journal I might make mention that he’s not necessarily pleased with his new orders. He obviously pissed someone off somehow to get this transfer. I will also mention he’s heard rumors that Valerius, an old nemesis of his might be in Skyrim. But he has a hard time believing its true. Also, folded up in his journal is a handwritten note from a concubine (or prostitute) he’s been sleeping with. So, after the guards are all squared away, I’m thinking on talking to Val again, and having an objective to find this woman to see if we can learn anything else about this Justicar. (Yes, I’m probably going to make the player have to sleep with her reqardless of race or gender, lol. I have some funny ideas in mind for the animal races, lol) This Justicar will eventually be revealed to be the one who tortured and murdered Valerius’ family back in the day. He will also be the one who kidnaps Marcus in an attempt to bait Valerius to come rescue him.) Anyway, it might take a couple of times sleeping with her, or a high speech or bribe to get some info out of her. But I’m thinking that she will reveal this Justicar is running some sort of black market enterprise on the side and profiting from the war. I suppose the obvious choice would be weapons, but that’s sort of predictable. What would be something cool that he could be running that would have something to do with the war? I don’t want it to be something like skooma or drugs.

I would say they're fully organized since it was nearly 20 years ago when they first formed. But I would also say their numbers are very small and they are very secretive for obvious reasons. So much so that many people think they're more of a myth or urban legend. I don't see them as anything as prominent or high profile as even the Vigilants of Stendarr or another similar faction. Like I say, almost more of a legend that still exists, but are very elusive perhaps. Think of something similar to the French resistance in WWII or something along those lines.

Well, their intentions are to defeat the Thalmor by any means necessary. I would call it a singular purpose. And basically, to elaborate on the ideas above, after the stalemate and treaty of Stros M'kai, it could be implied that there were many others not of Redguard lineage that fought along side them. And they wanted to continue the resistance throughout the rest of the province. So they formed this underground movement to recruit, train and conduct covert operations against the Thalmor wherever they could. Valerius, with his lifetime of military traing would be a great choice as one of their high ranking leaders. And he basically continued in this underground faction to present day, where he is now in Skyrim.

Well, this thread seems to be going no where fast, lol, but what the hell, I thought I'd post some more info in the hopes I might get a little feedback. So, researching some lore I came up with a couple of good prospects for a name for my new faction. I really want this to be very lore friendly, so here’s what I’ve found. Basically after the White-Gold Concordat was signed: So I could add into my backstory for Valerius that after he escaped from prison, he and his men escaped to Hammerfell and joined the Redguard in their war with the Thalmor. After the Treaty of Stros M'kai, Valerius and his men once again went underground, but by this time they had acquired a few Redguard allies who joined in their covert operations. It seems to me that Redguards would be the obvious choice of ally for anyone wanting to form an underground resistance to the Thalmor. Now, looking through Redguard history, I found this: So, the base of Hattu Mountain was where they made their final stand against their enemy. This was their “point of no return†so to speak. It was either death or victory at this point. It was their Alamo. So, this underground resistance is essentially the last hope for the people of Tamriel to defeat the Thalmor just like Hattu was their last stand. So, what about “The Keepers of Hattu†as the name for my faction? Others I thought about are “Remnant of Ansei†http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Ansei , although that one seems a little too Redguard specific. And I also thought about “The Keepers of The Shehai†http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Frandar_Hunding I will most definitely have a unique Shehai weapon as a reward, and at least a little backstory on the craft.

10-4 on that, thanks again. So, that pretty much covers the beginning of my story, and so far, in terms of my actual quest completed in the CK, I have an initial timer to run that checks if the main quest “Unbound†has been completed. (This is for users of any Alt. Start mods) Once that quest is completed, a timer runs that enables Marcus’ trusted servant “Patsy†who has made it to The Drunken Huntsman from Cyrodiil. His job is to find the player and deliver a note from Marcus and 250 gold as a gesture of good will. (I don’t know if I will actually use the full blown courier quest or not. My scripting skills may not be up to that task so I may just make the player go to him to get the note.) Anyway, this starts the last part of my post above where the player goes to talk to Marcus and then goes to see val. As I said above, I’m REALLY torn between giving the player the option to kill Valerius and his men but still continue the quest with Marcus, or basically making Valerius essential. I guess it just don’t make sense to me that Marcus would still want the player to help him if that player had killed his friend from long ago. So, I’m kind of stuck on this decision for now. But I can still build most of the rest as if he were alive, and leave slots open for extra stages and objectives later on to be able to add alternate scenarios. I'd like some feedback on the option to Kill Valerius if you guys have any thoughts on that issue please. Next, after you escort Marcus to Helgen Keep and a brief reunion scene between the two men, Marcus will thank the player for his help, give him/her 250 or so in gold, and ask if they mind leaving he and Valerius alone for a while to catch up on their lives, and to plan what to do next. The player can come back the next day for more work if they want to. When the player returns to Marcus and Valerius, I'm probably going to have another brief scene between all 3 where the player get's instructions to go find Korst who took a small group of men to scope out The sightless Pit but haven't returned. Basically the Falmer kicked their ass and now Korst is stuck in there. This is just a little side mission I thought would be fun to add some combat in at this point. (Up to now it's been all dialog and story.) After returning with Korst, I will have another scene where the player, Marcus and Valerius discuss the possibility of forming an alliance with either the Legion or Stormcloaks, as they could provide additional guards to help protect the town during the rebuilding process. Or, they could simply recruit more guards from around Skyrim, and have the town remain entirely Independent of the two other factions. (Personally, Independence is my fave choice.) As a requirement to choose the Legion or Stormcloaks, the player must already be a member of that faction to be a valid choice in the dialog. They will have the opportunity to exit the dialog, go join their faction of choice and come back and make a decision. But once that decision has been made, there's no turning back. The independent path is the easiest to build, as all I really have to do is add some more NPC's and maybe have a little favor type quest for them to join the player, and they can follow the player back to the fort. For the Legion affiliation, that's also pretty easy, and both Val and Marcus were soldiers, so Marcus could just say he still has a few connections, and to go somewhere and talk to one of his old colleagues still in the Legion and tell them Marcus sent you to get help. As incentive for the Legion, it makes sense since it was once a Legion fort that they would want it back. I'd probably throw in another favor type quest here as well. And for the Stormcloak alignment it's pretty simple too. They surely would want it in their possession because of it's strategic value, and since the Falkreath Hold can actually change hands to the Stormcloaks during the civil war, that makes it fit well in the vanilla game. The next part will begin the actual clean up and rebuilding after the new guards are in place. How's this sounding so far?

Yes, I am already disabling that marker, I think it’s the PostHelgenEncounterMaker they’re attached to which IIRC is enabled when the player enters Whiterun the first time. But, many people will be deep into their games before they install my mod and those bandits will have been there for a while most likely. And I’m pretty anal about things fitting properly in the existing world, lol. So one of my weaknesses I guess is feeling the need to have logical reasons for stuff to happen, especially if I’m altering vanilla content. So even though it’s a small thing, the OCD part of me needs it explained, lol. (I don’t know if that makes sense.) Thanks for the feedback!

Excellent suggestions, and you’re exactly right. Whether they’re true “bandits†or not is something I’ve AGONIZED over a lot. The main reason for them being bandits is because in the vanilla game, that’s who takes over the fort after it is destroyed. I already have it in some of my dialog that Valerius explains that they have basically been ostracized by the normal bandits because they felt he was too much of a nice guy or whatever. Valerius didn’t like the bandit barbarians and murderers etc, But I dunno, even that seems a little lame to me, and it’s only a first draft of dialog, so nothing is set in stone at this point. So, instead of being bandits, having them be an underground group of Thalmor hating assasins might actually be a little more believable. The only problem I see is explaining how they took over the fort from the bandits that are actually in the game. I suppose I could place several dead bandits all around the courtyard and in the keep to simulate that they came in, wiped the bandits out and took the fort for themselves? And the whole Thalmor thing actually ties directly into my 3rd act where I mentioned above that either Valerius or Marcus would give their life for the other. My plan was to have Valerius kidnapped by the Thalmor and taken to a dungeon deep underground to be tortured and whatnot. The player would go with Marcus and Korst to rescue him where the Thalmor boss would kill Marcus in the battle, but this would allow the player to free Valerius, and I want to script a touching death scene where they say their farewells as Marcus dies. And with more and more Thalmor in Skyrim, it makes sense that Valerius and his group would be there too. (one of my main themes will definitely be anti-Thalmor, so Thalmor supporters probably won't like my mod in some parts, lol.) How does all of that sound? Believable and logical? Oh, re: the handkerchief, that was a little homage of sorts to Braveheart, but I could easily make it a wedding ring. Please keep suggestions coming, let's get this thing written!

I posted this in the Voice Actors forum (I didn't see this one) and they suggested I post here, so: I'm currently building a mod for Skyrim called "Helgen Rebuilt". Ultimately, it will do just as the title implies - rebuild the destroyed settlement back into a thriving community. But the main thing I desire from this mod is to tell a great story. My vision is really to have an interactive screenplay of sorts that the player participates in. At its core it's a story of two old friends, one who has had tremendous loss and grief, and the other wanting to help him regain honor and dignity back in his life. Together, with the players help, they will rebuild the town and restore hope and inspiration in the grieving mans life. In the end, one will die by giving his life to save the other. (That's the short version, I'll post the long version below.) So what I'm looking for is guidance and feedback throughout the writing process and even help writing the actual story and dialog of anyone so chooses. Really just experienced storytellers and/or writers to bounce ideas off of who can pick apart my story, offer ideas and critique, and honestly tell me if something is lame or if something is good. After all, we're basically writing a screenplay that we take and implement into the game via the CK, right? I'm at a point right now where I need to get the story pretty much written in order to know how to implement the rest of the stuff in the CK. I can't built it if I don't know where it's going. Cast Marcus Jannus - Main character & quest giver. Valerius Tiberius Artoria - ("Val" for short) Main character, quasi-bandit leader and possible short term companion. Korst - Val's right-hand man and Captain of the Bandit Guard if player chooses Independent Helgen. (more below) Cienna Jervette - Armor & weapons dealer and all around kickass Brteon hottie! Possible companion and wife? Balfring Firescale - Smitty Fjord the Nord - Innkeeper (This will be a large side quest, more on that later) Alchemy shop - probably an Argonian General Store - kitty cat (Khajiit)? Backstory I think the backstory is fairly solid, but I'm looking for it to be picked apart and find holes in it, and to modify any parts that require too much suspension of disbelief to make sense. I had originally thought about giving the player the option of just killing Val and all his men at the fort, but I'm second guessing that option now. I mean, this IS my story, and if the player kills him, it then becomes a simple exercise of fetches and so forth to rebuild the town. I don't really want to lose my whole story like that. (This is sort of the foundation for Act 1 - http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/writing-act-i-of-your-screenplay.html)