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Help creating lines for a messed up character


JulianSull
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Right now I'm writing the script for my quest and I'm at the part where the Player has to retrieve something called the Fear Sinew Sphere from a man called the Hunter (name is not set yet). The Hunter, in my vision, is the creepiest MF you have ever met. He is a murderer and a freaky one at that. I want this scene to scare the crap out of the Player, but I'm having trouble thinking of what the Hunter should say. Here is what happens:

The player teleports to the location of the sphere which is in the middle of the woods next to a very broken down building which looks incredibly creepy. The Player walks in and out the no where the hunter runs out from the second floor behind gates but still visible and says:

"<INSERT LINES>"

And then runs off. The front door shuts and the player runs into the next room. The player stands right in the middle of the room and the creepy music (Epidermis by Venetian Snares) starts and the room's traps start activating wildly and the player has to try to wait them out until the Hunter accidentally starts destroying the top floor instead of just the bottom floor.

That's the scene, I need that guy to be beyond creepy. Not intellectual whatsoever. Completely lost his mind. Not comical either. Just scary. Any suggestions?

EDIT: I was thinking of having him latch onto one creepy line. Any ideas with that? By the way it might help to listen to a little bit of the boss music to get an idea of what this guy is like.

Edited by JulianSull
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The only lines I can think of that fit with the venue and the music are not really creepy. In no order, Are you strong enough, There here and are you sane? Probable of no use but the best I could think of. As far as repeating it must be said and and repeated often enough to sound maniacal. It is there way of saying you are dead!!!!

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I was thinking of a few ideas like:

Prey

Die

Maniacal Laughing

I'm not sure if it's going to be a high pitched voice (sort of like a scream) or a low one but I'm definitely going to echo the last word so the last word if it is a sentence needs to be creepy.

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If I was developing this Hunter, I'd go into his mind and see why he's the way he is, and abbreviate that into short expletives which make no sense, but still mean something. So those lines are incredibly hard for an outsider to think of. But I'll sit here a sec and brainstorm.

If he has a broken mind, what broke it? Maybe the voices in his head made him kill his family, or loved one. So he's a sad but willing victim of whatever his madness is.

Or, like the killer in Red Dragon, he believes there's a beast in him ( or there might really be one in this game - it's possible here ) And it 'forces' him to kill viciously, but he's kind of a willing pawn because he likes it. But he switches back and forth between his beast and his regular law-abiding side. So there might be 2 different tones to his manic shouts: one good the other evil. That could work or it could come off as hokey-sounding, unless the Voice Actor does a brilliant job.

Let's see. If the Hunter will fight the player, but runs off, maybe have him yell:

"RUN!! IT'S COMING!!!" -or

"You're the next offering!" -or

"BLOOD FOR THE BEAST!" -or

"IT SMELLS YOU!" -or

"ANOTHER ONE FOR ME!!"

Hope these help. Get into his head. :rolleyes:

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If I was developing this Hunter, I'd go into his mind and see why he's the way he is, and abbreviate that into short expletives which make no sense, but still mean something. So those lines are incredibly hard for an outsider to think of. But I'll sit here a sec and brainstorm.

If he has a broken mind, what broke it? Maybe the voices in his head made him kill his family, or loved one. So he's a sad but willing victim of whatever his madness is.

Or, like the killer in Red Dragon, he believes there's a beast in him ( or there might really be one in this game - it's possible here ) And it 'forces' him to kill viciously, but he's kind of a willing pawn because he likes it. But he switches back and forth between his beast and his regular law-abiding side. So there might be 2 different tones to his manic shouts: one good the other evil. That could work or it could come off as hokey-sounding, unless the Voice Actor does a brilliant job.

Let's see. If the Hunter will fight the player, but runs off, maybe have him yell:

"RUN!! IT'S COMING!!!" -or

"You're the next offering!" -or

"BLOOD FOR THE BEAST!" -or

"IT SMELLS YOU!" -or

"ANOTHER ONE FOR ME!!"

Hope these help. Get into his head. :rolleyes:

That is actually a very good approach to this. The idea behind him is that he is an outcast of society and ran away to live in the woods. He was a trap maker for the Krytan army (my quest is on a different land) and became overly obsessed with making the traps as gruesome as possible. He was fired because of it and then decided to move into the forest and create his own fortress filled with traps (He finds an old building and makes them there).

This actually gives me a few more ideas. I could put a body just outside of the building and make him very obvious. In his bag is a note which reads "Warning to Anyone Who Reads This". I'd have it start out as something that dead adventurer would right and end it with laughter and "Look up". Then a bunch of boulders or something would drop from above.

The main idea behind this character originally was to have him be a trap boss. The play has no safe place to stand and has to run a around the room trying to avoid traps until the Hunter activates the trap which opens the door and allows him to chase after him. Then one he reaches the second floor he faces off against him. Soo...Something more like that. It's hard because something like "Watch Your Step" sounds a little corny to me. I want it to sound scary just to listen to. Maybe I should run the whole thing like this, tell me what you think of it.

The player comes up to the front of the building which has blood on some parts of it. The thing with the adventurer happens next. After the player dodges and survives, an echoing laughter sound effect plays. Then the player enters the front of the building and on the walls there are warnings written in blood like "Watch Your Step!" and "You're Next!". Then once the player enters the next room and goes right in the middle, the player loses controls and the laughing happens again followed by "Die". Epidermis then plays and after about 7 seconds (When the drums kick in) the player starts having to run from traps. Then after about 20 seconds (When the drums fade again) the traps cease and one the "LALALALALALA" happens again the traps come out again in full. Then the gates open up after about three minutes of dodging and the player faces off against The Hunter. Epidermis replays from the "LALALALALALA" after the drums fade out and they fight.

Sound good?

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The player comes up to the front of the building which has blood on some parts of it. The thing with the adventurer happens next. After the player dodges and survives, an echoing laughter sound effect plays. Then the player enters the front of the building and on the walls there are warnings written in blood like "Watch Your Step!" and "You're Next!". Then once the player enters the next room and goes right in the middle, the player loses controls and the laughing happens again followed by "Die". Epidermis then plays and after about 7 seconds (When the drums kick in) the player starts having to run from traps. Then after about 20 seconds (When the drums fade again) the traps cease and one the "LALALALALALA" happens again the traps come out again in full. Then the gates open up after about three minutes of dodging and the player faces off against The Hunter. Epidermis replays from the "LALALALALALA" after the drums fade out and they fight.

Sound good?

Yep, sounds like you've got a good plan...but when does he shout his crazy lines - during the whole thing?

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