Proofreader Needed

[the-manta]

My current WIP mod (nearly complete) includes a diary which explains some of the history of the house, and would like someone to check it over if that's OK. I'm mostly alright as far as grammar/spelling goes (although my UK spellings offend the CS, I simply can't bear to change them ), but I need someone to tell me if it really reads like a diary, and particularly if it "feels" right at the end. I'll post it here in spoiler tags, so if you don't want to learn the story prematurely, you don't have to (it isn't really secret, but nonetheless...)

I have removed the oblivion book formatting for ease of reading.

I have started this diary as a place to record both events and useful notes, and above all, as something to do in the evening...

Notes on Redwort Flower

A very beautiful flower, with a unique shape and colour. It looks delightful out on the balcony. I'm also told it makes for excellent medicine, although I have not had yet had cause to put it to the test in this matter. It tastes quite foul, unfortunately, and so has been banished from the kitchen. It has redeemed itself somewhat in the bath, however- I have found a petal or two in the warm water makes for a delightful fragrance and soothing sensation. Note: try as tea?

A dunmer fellow came by this way earlier today- he had come, he said, all the way from Morrowind, although it seems to me he must have taken a rather roundabout route. In any case, he had with him a most unusual plant specimen, quite unique in my experience. He swore that it reached Tamriel on a meteor, and asked me if I was interested in buying it, which of course I was (although I highly doubt his story). I feel my enthusiasm betrayed me somewhat, and I ended up paying quite handsomely for it. As I say, the plant is a delight- it has a charming green foliage which spreads from a central root in a little bush. When I asked him the name of the plant, the gentleman would say only "Charles". An odd name, but I suppose I shall keep it. "Charles" seems at home on the bookshelf, and odd thing to say, I know, but somehow its leaves seem lacklustre away from the books... Most unusually of all, it is possible, with gentle coaxing (by means of gently rubbing the leaves) to cause the plant to emit a vibrant green slime. Must investigate uses for it.

Also, Redwort tea experiment a failure- bitter and pungent taste, despite pleasant fragrance.

Taking a trip to Chorrol today, shall leave this diary here, lest I should misplace it on the road.

Returned from Chorrol today, a very successful trip; I have purchased some Dragon's Tongue seeds from the Mages' Guild alchemist (a dear fellow named Angalmo). He warned me that it is quite poisonous eaten raw, but I daresay it will prove much more useful when properly prepared. Have planted with redwort on the balcony.

Notes on Cinnabar Polypore

A fairly common fungus, although I'm not sure how to go about growing it. May have to be satisfied with occasional purchase. It is quite pleasant eaten raw or lightly toasted, with a light peppery taste, a good companion to sweet fruits or cheese. Note: does bad things for one's breath. Some success as a thickener for ink and paint.

The strawberry plants in the garden are getting rather out of control, but I am loathe to remove any of them, their fruit being one of my favourites, and the blooms quite beautiful.

Going to Chorrol again today. As before, leaving diary at Shadow's Rest.

Back from Chorrol with an excellent new plant. My friend at the Mages' Guild had nothing interesting for me, except for some cuttings of Arrowroot plant, but he directed me to a traveling merchant staying at the Gray Mare. A gruff argonian lady, she had beside her a strange plant from her homeland. It looks almost as if it is growing upside-down, looking like a thick root protruding from the soil (although on examination beneath the soil, it is quite the right way up- much the same on the other side, only paler). It periodically emits bursts of a most delightful fragrance- sweet, but not sickly, and with a faint bitter undercurrent. Most unusual. The merchant tells me that it will bear fruit (a soft nut, she says), although not until it grows leaves (did not specify when this would be). She let it go quite cheaply, little more expensive than a good meal (indeed I suspect this is what the money went towards). I have placed the root plant (she said she did not know any name for it) in the kitchen. Awaiting eagerly the arrival of the fruit. Oh yes, and have planted arrowroot cuttings also in the kitchen.

Note for later: Cinnabar Polypore in sweetcake?

Tried Cinnabar sweetcake today. Reduced some cinnabar polypore into a syrup over the fire, which I then mixed into my usual sweetcake recipe. Quite an unusual flavour, I daresay not for everyone, but quite appealing I find. Also, the root plant is already showing green shoots!

Yet another strange plant acquired today, perhaps the strangest yet. The same fellow who sold me Charles came by again, passing in the other direction (headed for Elsweyr, or so he claimed- his geography is suspect...) he asked me how the plant was doing, and said he had forgotten to tell me that Charles should be kept near books. How interesting he and I should both note the effect! He was as clueless as I, however, as to why the books where helpful.

Anyway, he said that on his travels he had acquired another strange plant, and had thought of me immediately. When he showed it to me, I initially believed it was nothing but a crystal, surrounded by leaves, but on closer inspection, the leaves grow from the crystals base in all directions, and careful digging reveals glassy roots. At the time of sale, a small lump of slightly different colour and consistency was protruding from the crystal's side. He told me that this would soon mature and fall from the "plant", and that while it may look like a common gemstone, the "fruit" will be both edible and delectable. I am not so sure, but we shall see. He asked even more for this than for Charles, but dropped the price considerably when I offered him some of Charles' "meteor slime" (as he called it) and a cutting of the strange root plant, which mystified him. Have left this most unusual in the hallway. It brightens the place considerably, so it may stay.

Root plant flourishing- leafy fronds sprouting from its base. Hope fruit will soon follow.

Notes on lavender: Have been using this in my bath and to burn in lanterns, as the fragrance is wonderful. Today attempted to season meat with it. Not successful.

Notes on arrowroot: Has grown very quickly since I planted the cuttings, and is already a sizeable bush. Not sure which part of the plant is the most effective, but all have yielded similar results in experiments. I have found no way to make it taste pleasant, and it produces an unpleasant lethargy, but it does seem to keep moths away from the clothes.

Chorrol again today.

Back from Chorrol. Angalmo sadly understocked, and no-one in the guild hall had anything interesting. Same story at the general store, although while buying books Estelle gave me a pointer that Lady's Mantle keeps silverfish away from bindings. Also picked up a nice pair of boots today.

Visitor today, a rare treat. Usually the traders and guardsmen are my only guests, and they for at most an hour. Anyway, last night an Imperial gentleman came by and asked if me might stay the night. He offered to pay, and quite well at that, but he seemed so weary and travelworn, and was so charming that I simply couldn't take his money. I'd make a poor innkeeper, I'm sure! Well after a bath, a warm meal and some fresh clothes (he had with him another set of clothes for just such an occasion), he turned out to be quite a handsome gentleman. He was somewhat vague on where he had come from and where he was going, but he said he was Art Vanhel, the Earl of Thornwood (not sure where that is, but his noble bearing is unquestionable), and that he had been on the road for some time. Anyway, he refused to take my bed from me, so I set him up in the loft room, and he seemed most content, despite the humble surroundings. Feeling quite tired, probably because of the Earl's late arrival, shall write again tomorrow.

Feeling a little unwell today- somewhat lethargic and achey. I seem to have left my bedroom window open overnight (though I can't remember opening it at all), so that could explain it. Anyway, I have a guest, and so can't remain in bed all day! I shall see about brewing something to revive me a little. The Earl awoke even later than me, and was the picture of good health, all smiles and complements- he made me quite forget about my unwellness. He asked me, most apologetically, if he might stay until tomorrow. I enjoy his company no end, so I assured him it was not a problem. I invited him to sit in the garden for lunch, as is my custom, but he said he preferred to stay indoors. A little odd, given the beautiful weather, but I'm sure the poor man has had quite enough of the outdoors in his traveling.

Feeling even worse today- every action seems strenuous. Window open again. Odd, certain I shut it. Have tried a few energy remedies, but to no avail. Must consider proper medicine, but loathe to spare the expense. The Earl seems most concerned, and insists he must stay until I am better. Oh but he is a gallant gentleman. As I write this he is fetching what medicine I have from the kitchen, as I cannot leave my bed.

Later: Eventually managed to get out of bed, thought perhaps medicine working? No. Reached cabinet- medicine ingredients and recipe laid out on counter, clearly not used. I have been duped. Becoming concerned as to the Earl's intentions...

Reluctantly slept last night. Worse than ever. Exhausting even to write this. Dreams of the Earl- leaning over me in moonlight, lips red with blood. Mine. Have found wounds on my neck, so maybe not dream. Nine have mercy.

Later: Worst fears realized. Seems obvious now. Finally reached kitchen to find silver knife and garlic. Earl found me. Fear in his eyes. Touched silver to his skin and hissed like animal. Soon recovered and took me back to bed, will not allow his cover to fall, even now. How long do I have? Arkay have mercy.

Awoke today much better, more lively than ever, but with horrible feeling in my heart. As I looked out of the window, sunlight burnt my face like fire. Still stings. Final proof when Earl appeared. No longer concealing his nature, now that I am like him... like him, by the Nine. The Earl tells me that tonight I must leave Shadow's Rest as his bride in undeath. Believes his curse alone will secure my loyalty. Foolish are the dead.

Later: The horror of my situation ways heavily upon me, but has instilled in my heart a new sense of clarity. I must put a stop to this, whatever the cost. I shall gather what I need while the Earl rests, and when we leave tonight, I shall be prepared. I shall slay the beast and then myself, for it is better to die nobly than to live with this curse. Shadow's Rest will not be corrupted by death. I wish only that I had time to make it ready to serve another as it has me.

This is the last entry I shall make in this diary, or in any book. The last thing I shall write, and these shall be my last tears that are falling on the page before me. If you are reading this diary, then my home is yours. Be wise and never be fooled as I have been. The Earl is calling me, I must depart, that I might slay him as he deserves.

Yes, I know it is rather long (it's 30 something in game pages I believe) but ah well, I got a bit carried away.

[AndalayBay]

Well spotted a problem right off the bat:

"although I have not had yet had cause to put it to the test in this matter"

should be:

"although I have not yet had cause to..."

I'll continue reading a bit later, if others haven't taken up the cause

[the-manta]

Huh? So "put it to the test in this matter" should not be there? I think I see where you're coming from, but then wouldn't that whole sentence have to be "I'm also told it can be made into excellent medicine, although I have not had yet had cause to [do so]" which is kind of different and even more unwieldy than the original. Or maybe I'm missing the point of what you're saying. Anyway, thanks for taking a look

[Lady_Nerevar]

I'm not fond of (and this is by no means unique to you) the whole "I'm starting this diary" "Its been a while since I've written in this diary" "This is the last time I'll be writing in this diary" thing. A diary is something private just for you, not a blog post for anybody to read, so talking to the reader just seems weird to me. I don't know if people do it, but I didn't back when I journaled. Something like "Taking a trip to Chorrol today, shall leave this diary here, lest I should misplace it on the road." would be more natural as "Taking a trip to Chorrol today." Thats just my opinion, of course.

[HeyYou]

I have started this diary as a place to record both events and useful notes, and above all, as something to do in the evening...

Notes on Redwort Flower

A very beautiful flower, with a unique shape and colour. It looks delightful out on the balcony. I'm also told it makes for excellent medicine, although I have not yet had cause to put it to the test in this matter. It tastes quite foul, unfortunately, and so, has been banished from the kitchen. It has redeemed itself somewhat in the bath, however- I have found a petal or two in the warm water makes for a delightful fragrance and soothing sensation. Note: try as tea?

A dunmer fellow came by this way earlier today- he had come, he said, all the way from Morrowind, although it seems to me he must have taken a rather roundabout route. In any case, he had with him a most unusual plant specimen, quite unique in my experience. He swore that it reached Tamriel on a meteor, and asked me if I was interested in buying it, which of course I was (although I highly doubt his story). I feel my enthusiasm betrayed me somewhat, and I ended up paying quite handsomely for it. As I say, the plant is a delight- it has a charming green foliage which spreads from a central root in a little bush. When I asked him the name of the plant, the gentleman would say only "Charles". An odd name, but I suppose I shall keep it. "Charles" seems at home on the bookshelf, and odd thing to say, I know, but somehow its leaves seem lackluster away from the books... Most unusually of all, it is possible, with gentle coaxing (by means of gently rubbing the leaves) to cause the plant to emit a vibrant green slime. Must investigate uses for it.

Also, Redwort tea experiment a failure- bitter and pungent taste, despite pleasant fragrance.

Taking a trip to Chorrol today, shall leave this diary here, lest I should misplace it on the road.

Returned from Chorrol today, a very successful trip; I have purchased some Dragon's Tongue seeds from the Mages' Guild alchemist (a dear fellow named Angalmo). He warned me that it is quite poisonous eaten raw, but I daresay it will prove much more useful when properly prepared. Have planted with redwort on the balcony.

Notes on Cinnabar Polypore

A fairly common fungus, although I'm not sure how to go about growing it. May have to be satisfied with occasional purchase. It is quite pleasant eaten raw or lightly toasted, with a light peppery taste, a good companion to sweet fruits or cheese. Note: does bad things for one's breath. Some success as a thickener for ink and paint.

The strawberry plants in the garden are getting rather out of control, but I am loathe to remove any of them, their fruit being one of my favorites, and the blooms quite beautiful.

Going to Chorrol again today. As before, leaving diary at Shadow's Rest.

Back from Chorrol with an excellent new plant. My friend at the Mages' Guild had nothing interesting for me, except for some cuttings of Arrowroot plant, but he directed me to a traveling merchant staying at the Gray Mare. A gruff argonian lady, she had beside her a strange plant from her homeland. It looks almost as if it is growing upside-down, looking like a thick root protruding from the soil (although on examination beneath the soil, it is quite the right way up- much the same on the other side, only paler). It periodically emits bursts of a most delightful fragrance- sweet, but not sickly, and with a faint bitter undercurrent. Most unusual. The merchant tells me that it will bear fruit (a soft nut, she says), although not until it grows leaves (did not specify when this would be). She let it go quite cheaply, little more expensive than a good meal (indeed I suspect this is what the money went towards). I have placed the root plant (she said she did not know any name for it) in the kitchen. Awaiting eagerly the arrival of the fruit. Oh yes, and have planted arrowroot cuttings also in the kitchen.

Note for later: Cinnabar Polypore in sweetcake?

Tried Cinnabar sweetcake today. Reduced some cinnabar polypore into a syrup over the fire, which I then mixed into my usual sweetcake recipe. Quite an unusual flavour, I daresay not for everyone, but quite appealing I find. Also, the root plant is already showing green shoots!

Yet another strange plant acquired today, perhaps the strangest yet. The same fellow who sold me Charles came by again, passing in the other direction (headed for Elsweyr, or so he claimed- his geography is suspect...) he asked me how the plant was doing, and said he had forgotten to tell me that Charles should be kept near books. How interesting he and I should both note the effect! He was as clueless as I, however, as to why the books where helpful.

Anyway, he said that on his travels he had acquired another strange plant, and had thought of me immediately. When he showed it to me, I initially believed it was nothing but a crystal, surrounded by leaves, but on closer inspection, the leaves grow from the crystals base in all directions, and careful digging reveals glassy roots. At the time of sale, a small lump of slightly different colour and consistency was protruding from the crystal's side. He told me that this would soon mature and fall from the "plant", and that while it may look like a common gemstone, the "fruit" will be both edible and delectable. I am not so sure, but we shall see. He asked even more for this than for Charles, but dropped the price considerably when I offered him some of Charles' "meteor slime" (as he called it) and a cutting of the strange root plant, which mystified him. Have left this most unusual plant in the hallway. It brightens the place considerably, so it may stay.

Root plant flourishing- leafy fronds sprouting from its base. Hope fruit will soon follow.

Notes on lavender: Have been using this in my bath and to burn in lanterns, as the fragrance is wonderful. Today attempted to season meat with it. Not successful.

Notes on arrowroot: Has grown very quickly since I planted the cuttings, and is already a sizable bush. Not sure which part of the plant is the most effective, but all have yielded similar results in experiments. I have found no way to make it taste pleasant, and it produces an unpleasant lethargy, but it does seem to keep moths away from the clothes.

Chorrol again today.

Back from Chorrol. Angalmo sadly understocked, and no-one in the guild hall had anything interesting. Same story at the general store, although while buying books, Estelle gave me a pointer that Lady's Mantle keeps silverfish away from bindings. Also picked up a nice pair of boots today.

Visitor today, a rare treat. Usually the traders and guardsmen are my only guests, and they stay for at most an hour. Anyway, last night an Imperial gentleman came by and asked if he might stay the night. He offered to pay, and quite well at that, but he seemed so weary and travelworn, and was so charming that I simply couldn't take his money. I'd make a poor innkeeper, I'm sure! Well after a bath, a warm meal and some fresh clothes (he had with him another set of clothes for just such an occasion), he turned out to be quite a handsome gentleman. He was somewhat vague on where he had come from and where he was going, but he said he was Art Vanhel, the Earl of Thornwood (not sure where that is, but his noble bearing is unquestionable), and that he had been on the road for some time. Anyway, he refused to take my bed from me, so I set him up in the loft room, and he seemed most content, despite the humble surroundings. Feeling quite tired, probably because of the Earl's late arrival, shall write again tomorrow.

Feeling a little unwell today- somewhat lethargic and achey. I seem to have left my bedroom window open overnight (though I can't remember opening it at all), so that could explain it. Anyway, I have a guest, and so can't remain in bed all day! I shall see about brewing something to revive me a little. The Earl awoke even later than me, and was the picture of good health, all smiles and complements- he made me quite forget about my unwellness. He asked me, most apologetically, if he might stay until tomorrow. I enjoy his company no end, so I assured him it was not a problem. I invited him to sit in the garden for lunch, as is my custom, but he said he preferred to stay indoors. A little odd, given the beautiful weather, but I'm sure the poor man has had quite enough of the outdoors in his traveling.

Feeling even worse today- every action seems strenuous. Window open again. Odd, certain I shut it. Have tried a few energy remedies, but to no avail. Must consider proper medicine, but loathe to spare the expense. The Earl seems most concerned, and insists he must stay until I am better. Oh but he is a gallant gentleman. As I write this he is fetching what medicine I have from the kitchen, as I cannot leave my bed.

Later: Eventually managed to get out of bed, thought perhaps medicine working? No. Reached cabinet- medicine ingredients and recipe laid out on counter, clearly not used. I have been duped. Becoming concerned as to the Earl's intentions...

Reluctantly slept last night. Worse than ever. Exhausting even to write this. Dreams of the Earl- leaning over me in moonlight, lips red with blood. Mine. Have found wounds on my neck, so maybe not dream. Nine have mercy.

Later: Worst fears realized. Seems obvious now. Finally reached kitchen to find silver knife and garlic. Earl found me. Fear in his eyes. Touched silver to his skin and he hissed like animal. Soon recovered and took me back to bed, will not allow his cover to fall, even now. How long do I have? Arkay have mercy.

Awoke today much better, more lively than ever, but with horrible feeling in my heart. As I looked out of the window, sunlight burnt my face like fire. Still stings. Final proof when Earl appeared. No longer concealing his nature, now that I am like him... like him, by the Nine. The Earl tells me that tonight I must leave Shadow's Rest as his bride in undeath. Believes his curse alone will secure my loyalty. Foolish are the dead.

Later: The horror of my situation weighs heavily upon me, but has instilled in my heart a new sense of clarity. I must put a stop to this, whatever the cost. I shall gather what I need while the Earl rests, and when we leave tonight, I shall be prepared. I shall slay the beast and then myself, for it is better to die nobly than to live with this curse. Shadow's Rest will not be corrupted by death. I wish only that I had time to make it ready to serve another as it has me.

This is the last entry I shall make in this diary, or in any book. The last thing I shall write, and these shall be my last tears that are falling on the page before me. If you are reading this diary, then my home is yours. Be wise and never be fooled as I have been. The Earl is calling me, I must depart, that I might slay him as he deserves.

There ya go. Found a couple errors, and fixed 'em. May want to recheck spelling, as some of the errors seem to be the difference between american spelling, and british.

[the-manta]

Thanks for your help all

@HeyYou: I can't really muster the enthusiasm to read through the original to compare it to yours (I've read it so many times already), and I can't really see any "Americanisms" worth changing, so I shall take your alterations gratefully.

@Lady N: I can certainly see where you're coming from, and appreciate the criticism. I have had limited exposure to diary writing, and the style of this one is based mostly on parts of Dracula (which, needless to say, influenced the content also). What you've said sounds right to me, so I'm changing it as you've suggested. I will keep the final paragraph as is though- it is more or less written to the finder of the diary ("if you are reading this...") so in that paragraph at least, it seems OK.

Thanks again everyone

[AndalayBay]

Huh? So "put it to the test in this matter" should not be there? I think I see where you're coming from, but then wouldn't that whole sentence have to be "I'm also told it can be made into excellent medicine, although I have not had yet had cause to [do so]" which is kind of different and even more unwieldy than the original. Or maybe I'm missing the point of what you're saying. Anyway, thanks for taking a look

No, no, I just didn't want to type the rest. I was only referring to the typo with regards to the double "had". Anyway I think HeyYou got it all sorted for you. Sorry I couldn't get back to this earlier. Trying to get the next iteration of a mod out the door

[InsanitySorrow]

There ya go. Found a couple errors, and fixed 'em. May want to recheck spelling, as some of the errors seem to be the difference between american spelling, and british.

Just because we spell things differently, doesn't make them wrong

[HeyYou]

Just because we spell things differently, doesn't make them wrong

From what I understand, it was King Henry the (child of unmarried parents) that truly screwed up the english language...... My question was, did he get that title before, or AFTER he did it?