Amadaun

We've started brainstorming for the sequels. If anyone wants to chime in with stuff they'd like to see, we've got a thread on our forums - let us know if you've got ideas.

And...ah...by fanfiction area, we mean Role-Playing Fanfiction area. And by Role-Playing Fanfiction area, we mean mature Role-Playing Fanfiction area. And by mature Role-Playing Fanfiction area, we mean...er...three years worth of writing done by people who worked on the DBC, now unleashed upon it, and we are not responsible for such things as bleeding eyes, unsettled dreams, the need for brain bleach, or a lifetime of mental scarring. Er...I'm sorry, there was a point there.

Squatting naked in a tree in the Shivering Isles, throwing fruit at passersby until a Golden Saint beat me into a fine red mist for getting her armor dirty. Failing that, probably roomies with Glarthir, arguing about who's out to get us today, until we finally both hire the Dark Brotherhood on each other - whereupon they take no money because they consider it community service. About the same thing. Plus Skingrad is pretty and has wine. (I require little to keep me happy.) Or somewhere outside of Bruma, in the year-round snow. I love snow and mountains.

We loves Martin yes, yes, we loves him... No, we hates him! We hates him, Precioussss... (Anyway, now that people are adding their own, I'll start putting them in in slightly smaller groups. Makes it easier to fight with the numbering that way...) Thoughts that occur to me: #1 - I may need a life. #2 - I may need to see how many people can pick up all of my nerdy references. #3 - I may need to provide a link to my review of The Infernal City. I'd...um...well, I'd post it here, but poor DarkRider might beat me with the Admin stick, and I'm certain it would be well-deserved. It's...impolite, shall we say. There's only a little bit of curse words, mental breakdowns and nudity, I swear! 205. The ability to control the weather in the Shivering Isles does not make me Storm, and neither does the silver bodysuit I made Haskill fetch for me. 206. At the end of the Fighters Guild questline, I am not to announce, “All your base are belong to us†even if it is technically true. 207. Cannot test to see if I actually can hit the broad side of a barn with my spells, and I will be paying for that. 208. Not allowed to bounce people off of the wall a couple of times in lieu of the persuasion mini-game. 209. Not allowed to light them on fire either. 210. Once I resemble a porcupine, I should probably run away from the Black Bow Bandits. 211. While fighting the Black Bow Bandits, I am not allowed to say anything about fighting in the shade. 212. I am not a lumberjack and I am not okay, even when I am fighting Spriggans. 213. I am not allowed to create a massive army with the Skull of Corruption and Staff of Worms. 214. Having created said army, I am never allowed to Zerg Rush anything. 215. Nuking Bruma from orbit is not the only way to be sure. 216. The instant I start to sing “Ring of Fire†near an Oblivion Gate will be the instant that I deserve to be up to my ears in angry scamps. 217. I will not attempt to raise my Acrobatics skill by flinging myself off of Dive Rock. 218. Should I choose to do so, I will not be surprised when my leg bones end up somewhere around my eardrums. 219. There is no Daedric Sphere of ADHD. 220. Nor is there a Daedric Sphere of PMS. 221. Not allowed to quote the Rules of Acquisition while haggling in a shop. 222. Cannot drink Khajiit under the table. 223. I am not the Dread Master of Sheep. 224. Not allowed to refer to any of the foodstuffs I carry around as the “Breakfast of Champions (of Cyrodiil).†225. Cannot use Telekinesis to convince people that their house is haunted. 226. Cannot use Telekinesis as a substitute for Levitation. 227. Cannot use Telekinesis to wield multiple weapons. 228. Cannot use Telekinesis to toss people into lava. 229. Cannot use Telekinesis to yank people’s robes up around their ears. 230. Cannot combine Telekinesis, a broom, and Mother’s Head to create a highly exciting game of Quiddich. 231. Telekinesis doesn’t give me the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away... with mind bullets!

Because everyone knows that the town guard has a secret stash of all the rubber chickens they confiscate. They hide them all in the depths of White Gold Tower and secretly worship them as the next coming of Akatosh. *nods sagely* ...what's in this tea I'm drinking?

Well, Andalay's thrown me head-first into learning level design and the CS basics class so I can help pick up a bit of the extra slack in this mod. My specialty is modeling and texturing and being an absent-minded artist. This has been rather an adventure. I managed to clutter a house, though. I am far too proud of myself now.

Oh yes - by all means, join in! It's a lot more fun when other people start adding onto the list. (I hereby apologize for any hypothetically-spilled beverages, and hope that they were/are not hypothetically heated ones.) 102. Dremora do not have a sense of humor. 103. Neither do the Mazken. 104. And don’t even ask about Xivilai. 105. “Punt the Scamp†will never catch on as a popular game. 106. Neither will “Punt the Bosmer.†Except maybe in Elsweyr. 107. Not allowed to summon Fire Atronachs inside of castles, no matter how drafty it is. 108. Not allowed to read The Real Barenziah in front of Alessia Ottus. 109. Especially the Daggerfall version. 110. At the top of my lungs. 111. Not allowed to ask Umbacano what the heck is up with his hair. 112. The ghosts in my house in Anvil cannot be trained as servants. 113. Not allowed to instigate snowball fights in Bruma. 114. Especially if it involves the Mages Guild. 115. Raining out the Annual New Sheoth picnic is only funny the first time. 116. Not allowed to give Elante of Alinor a very close up view of Daedra. 117. The Arena is not the place to test out my newest dance moves. 118. The Arena is not for Pokemon battles. 119. The Arena is not the Coliseum either, and I cannot feed anyone to the lions. 120. Not allowed to introduce the Countess of Leyawiin to Ocheeva and Teinaava. 121. It is, in fact, possible to be too drunk to cast spells. 122. Not allowed to send live game through the Mages Guild teleport pads. 123. Not allowed to yell “Beam me up, Scotty!†while using the Mages Guild teleport pads. 124. Not allowed to try and recreate the events in The Fly by using the Mages Guild teleport pads. 125. Not allowed to pawn Imperial Dragon Armor. 126. The Elder Council Chambers are not an appropriate place to practice my bawdy tavern songs, even if the acoustics are surprisingly nice. 127. The Legion isn’t really interested in any of my explanations. 128. Despite any and all appearances to the contrary, Agronak is not “the world’s biggest woobie.†129. The mountain lion is not “my new kitten, Fluffy.†130. Not allowed to get the Knights of the Nine messily drunk. 131. Not allowed to get the Black Hand messily drunk, either. 132. Or the Elder Council. 133. Or all three at the same time, even though the results are predictably – albeit bloodily – awesome. 134. Not allowed to let Antoinetta out of the Sanctuary without her leash. 135. The Gatekeeper is not a hand-to-hand weapon. 136. Lucien does not need a theme song, and I should stop trying to compose one. 137. After composing it, I should not hum it constantly behind his back. 138. Not allowed to lock Lucien and the Annoy – er…I mean Adoring Fan in a closet together, no matter how many tickets I could sell. 139. May not attempt to seduce anyone while wearing Dark Seducer armor. 140. May not attempt to seduce anyone, no matter what I am or am not wearing. 141. Ocato is the Imperial Battlemage for a reason. 142. Phrases that I am not to use in the Shivering Isles: Tribbles, Cosplay, It’s Raining Men, Sailor Moon, Monty Python, Thong Underwear, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Evil Overlord’s List, Richard Simmons, Muppet Show, or Willy Wonka. 143. Nobody in the Mages Guild knows the lyrics to “A Wizard’s Staff has a Knob on the End.†144. I am not authorized to negotiate treaties with other provinces. 145. I am not to name any of my spells as the following: Hadoken, Nuclear Holocaust, Knights of the Round, or OMGWTF. 146. No longer allowed near anything combustible. 147. Even if my schedule for the day is “Get up in the morning, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Lunch, Death, Death, Death, Afternoon Tea, Death, Death, Death, Quick shower…†I should not write it down. 148. If I do, I should not leave said list where my housekeeper can find it. 149. The Black Hand are not Death Eaters and I, as the Listener, am not Voldemort. 150. I will not beg Uriel Septim to say “Make it so.†151. I will not beg Martin to say “One does not simply walk into Mordor.†152. There are no miniature giant space hamsters in Nirn. 153. Dark Guardians…superglue…bad idea. 154. Sanguine is not my drinking buddy. 155. “Yeah, well…we’re all screwed anyway.†is not a good battle cry. 156. Neither is “Leeeeeeeeeeroy Jennnnkinnnnnnnns!†157. Not allowed to utter the word “Defenestration†while in White Gold Tower. 158. Not allowed to make up reasons for why I was in the Imperial Prison in the first place. 159. I am not claustrophobic…I am not claustrophobic…I am not claustrophobic… 160. Not allowed to sue the Legion on the basis of racial and sexual discrimination. 161. Not allowed to try and create the One Ring at the Enchanting Altar. 162. Not allowed to randomly turn everyday things, people, or clothing invisible. 163. Not allowed to consider “Essential†status to be a personal challenge. 164. When asking for troops for Bruma, the correct phrase to use is “Please,†not “Give them to me or I’ll kill you and your entire family.†See #141. 165. I cannot repel the Daedric invaders by playing “It’s a Small World After All†over and over until they commit suicide. 166. While in the planes of Oblivion, not allowed to insist that “At least it’s a dry heat.†167. Do not taunt Happy Fun Daedra Lord. 168. Not allowed to live my life according to the words of Maiq the Liar. 169. I am using all of my body parts and I cannot sell any to make a quick septim, no matter how high my Restoration skill is. 170. No longer allowed within 1000 feet of a Daedric Shrine. 171. The Adoring Fan is not a character class. 172. No matter how good I am at Marksmanship, cannot shout “Boom – Headshot!†173. Cloud Ruler Temple may indeed be quite cold, but that is no excuse for climbing into other people’s beds in the middle of the night. 174. I cannot open doors with “Fingers of the Mountain†– especially if I haven’t bothered to even check if it was locked first. 175. Chillrend is not a lightsaber, thank you. Stop making those sound effects. 176. The Spellmaking Altar is a privilege, not a right. 177. As is Skooma, and I’ll be cleaning that up too. 178. I don’t make a very good escort, messenger, or babysitter. 179. I cannot become a lich. 180. Don’t press the button if you don’t know what it does. 181. Not allowed to write a Bosmeri cookbook. 182. There are things that the Holy Crusader must do. Continuously quoting Monty Python is not one of them. 183. May not suddenly develop a crippling fear of blood in the middle of a questline. 184. Plan A is not: “Kill ‘em all and let Akatosh sort ‘em out.†185. Plan B is not: “Kill ‘em all and let Sithis sort ‘em out.†186. Plan C is not: “I’ll sort ‘em out, then kill ‘em all.†187. The backup plan is not “Throw Jauffre at them, then run like rabbits on Moon Sugar.†188. I am not a pervy assassin fancier. Honest. 189. I do not have an heir fetish. Honest. 190. I can’t cast “Flare†at the darkness, and I deserve to be beaten mercilessly for the mere suggestion thereof. 191. No Swordchucks. Ever. 192. No Rat-Flails. Ever. 193. The Oblivion Gate is not a toy and it probably will put my eye out. 194. Not allowed to go chapel-climbing while wearing my Shrouded Armor. 195. Not allowed to go chapel-climbing in the Crusader’s Relics. 196. Not allowed to go chapel-climbing, period. 197. The power of Akatosh does not compel me, nor anyone else for that matter. 198. Not allowed to go door-to-door as a “Sheogorath’s Witness.†199. Not allowed to go bandit-hunting solely because their armor is, and I quote, “Shiny!†200. Should not think too hard about why ancient, unexplored Ayleid ruins contain caches of septims. 201. Still not King.

*mental picture of Sheogorath in fishnets* "Let's do the Time Warp agaaa-aaaaaighohsweetbabyAkatoshmyeyes!" *noms on cookies* Does that mean I ought to post the rest of the list?

Inspired by "Skippy's List" and "Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG," I came up with my own list. And by "came up with" I really mean "have been writing for several years now." Technically, I have 540 items on the list at this point, and it's starting to expand to other TES games, but I will be kind to those with wall-of-text phobias and only post 101 for now. The rest shall be forthcoming. (This can also be found on my DeviantArt page and Modcraft - on that site, it's expanded to 1101 entries with other contributors. The ones I'm posting here are all mine, though.) Warning: Small amounts of unrepentant fangirling. This is the slightly more polite version of the list, though. Things I am not allowed to do in Oblivion: 1. Sneaking into people’s rooms and watching them sleep is not an appropriate use of “Invisibility.†2. Chancellor Ocato does not appreciate hearing about how soft his robes are and/or how much I want a set of my own. 3. It is considered “bad taste†to kill people and then arrange their bodies into compromising positions. 4. It is worse taste to do so in the following places: The Temple District, any of the chapels, any of the castles, or in the middle of Green Emperor Way. 5. Lucien did not give me Shadowmere so that I could board her at Chestnut Handy Stables for the sole purpose of seeing if she’ll eat the Orc. 6. Stealing all of the Blades’ armor and throwing it over the wall of Cloud Ruler Temple is not nice, as it is cold up there. 7. The two Blades who do nothing but spar all day are not suffering from unrequited sexual frustration. 8. I am not allowed to give Falanu Hlaalu directions to every necromancer cave in Cyrodiil. 9. Jauffre is not old enough to have fought in the War of the Red Diamond, and I should stop implying that he did. 10. I am not allowed to purposely mislead those who work for the Black Horse Courier. 11. Likewise, I am not allowed to spread rumors about a yellow-haired Bosmer killing the Emperor. 12. I am not allowed to ask Martin for intimate details about his Sanguine-worshipping days, even if I claim that it’s for the sake of posterity. 13. I will not refer to the town guards as “Interchangeable cannon fodder.†14. Kool-aid is not a substitute for human sacrifice, even if it is red – and insisting that it is technically “Red Drink†makes me no friends in the Mythic Dawn. 15. Walking around in Mythic Dawn robes and a Daedric claymore while screaming “Die, Unbeliever!†is not considered “stealthy†16. I am not allowed a test run of the “Enemies Explode†spell. 17. Sheogorath does not need to be taught the Chicken Dance. 18. Or any Polkas. 19. And most definitely not the Time Warp. 20. In fact, nothing from the Rocky Horror Picture Show is to find its way into the Shivering Isles. 21. Not allowed to wake Blades by standing in the barracks and screaming, “Oh my Gods! It’s an Oblivion Gate!†22. I will not tell Syl that 50% of bricks have small listening devices and/or cameras hidden in them. 23. It is not nice to refill Skooma bottles with Red Bull. 24. Just because Guild rules do not explicitly ban some things does not mean that I have a free pass to do them. 25. Archmage Traven doesn’t know the pointy hat trick, and I should stop asking him about it. 26. Ocato’s title is not “Official Seatwarmer of the Empire.†27. I am not, under any circumstances, allowed to ask Ocato who died and made him boss. 28. Bosmer are not related in any way to Hobbits. 29. Goosing and/or groping people is not an appropriate use of “Telekinesis.†30. Critiquing Modryn Oreyn’s art skills is not recommended. 31. To raise skill in Alchemy, one is to taste the ingredient, not spike other people’s drinks and observe the results. 32. Just because I happen to have a paintbrush and a palette does not mean that I have the right to embellish statues that I deem boring. 33. I will not charge the people of Cheydinhal 50 septims a head to tour a real live Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary. 34. Lava is not an appropriate place to test a Dunmer’s fire resistance, especially if the Dunmer happens to be an important, albeit annoying, personage. 35. Vampires do not blush and I shouldn’t try to make them do so. 36. Not allowed to jump out of Oblivion gates wearing full Daedric armor, especially in front of town guards or small children. 37. Scamp heads do not make good puppets. 38. There is no place for joy buzzers in the Shivering Isles. 39. Not allowed to ask Uriel Septim exactly what kind of dreams he had about me and I probably don’t really want him to answer if I do. 40. Spore gas and Glarthir do not mix. 41. The Wabbajack is not to be used like that. 42. Poison apples do not grow into poison trees and I need to stop trying. 43. Slipping a few chokeberries into the wine presses does not “improve the flavor.†44. The Cowl of Nocturnal is not to be used for that. 45. I am not allowed to teach the citizens of New Sheoth how to play Calvinball. 46. “Stark Reality†is most definitely not to be used for that. 47. If I am not a Bosmer, I do not follow the Green Pact. 48. Hist sap is not to be sold as a tasty fruit drink. 49. I am not allowed to mix together Alchemy ingredients “just to see what happens.†50. Altmer do not bounce. More than once. 51. No longer allowed to eat more than half dozen sweetrolls in one sitting. 52. No longer allowed to pay my respects to Dibella with ceremonial striptease. 53. Knowing “Telekinesis†does not make me a Jedi. 54. Mudcrab shells do not make attractive or functional armor. 55. The Nirnroots are not trying to talk to me. 56. Not allowed to rub Jauffre’s head for good luck. 57. Not allowed to rub Gogron’s head for good luck. 58. Not allowed to rub any part of Lucien or Martin for good luck. 59. No longer allowed to own a pair of wrist irons. 60. The Staff of Everscamp is not a good birthday present. 61. No longer allowed into any town while carrying the Staff of Everscamp. 62. The armor of Tiber Septim is not “just my size.†63. Not allowed to try and take over the Empire again. 64. I do not know kung fu. 65. There is no gunpowder on Nirn, and I am not allowed to make any. 66. Just because I specialize in Destruction Magic does not mean that I am the Avatar. 67. Not allowed to learn Necromancy. 68. Not allowed to teach Necromancy. 69. Not allowed to hire the Blackwood Company to rough up Imperial Guards. 70. Haskill will not fetch me a latte, even if I summon him politely. 71. No longer allowed into White Gold Tower while carrying water balloons. 72. Not allowed to sneak into Glarthir’s house and rearrange his furniture at random intervals. 73. Should not ask Lucien what he was smoking when he thought up the Dead Drops system. 74. Cliffracer eggs are not to be smuggled into Cyrodiil. 75. Not allowed to use Mages Guild apprentices as test subjects. 76. Suntan lotion is not an appropriate present for Count Hassildor. 77. He isn’t looking for blood donors either. 78. No matter how much I beg. 79. Slaughterfish are not haute cuisine, no matter how much ketchup I add. 80. Not allowed to try and act out scenes from my favorite fanfictions. 81. Not allowed to give Falcar’s ring of burden to beggars. 82. Avada Kevadra doesn’t work in Cyrodiil. 83. Not allowed to tease Nocturnal with her hood after I become the Grey Fox. 84. Not allowed to tie-dye the Cuirass of the Crusader. 85. Not allowed to dye it black, either. 86. Xedilian, despite appearances, is not a good place for garden parties. 87. Dunmer are not Drow. Honest. 88. It isn’t nice to use Cutter as a training dummy, even if she enjoys it. 89. No longer allowed into White Gold Tower while carrying anything, especially vegetables. 90. Especially, especially watermelons. 91. Hyper-caffeinated Bosmer are a bad thing. Apparently, they bite. 92. Not allowed to hit on Jauffre, just to see his reaction. 93. Not allowed to take Herdir along while asking for troops for Bruma. 94. First rule of the Duelists: You do not talk about the duelists. 95. Second rule of the Duelists: You do not talk about the duelists. 96. Wearing a false beard around Sheogorath is a bad idea. 97. Hermaeus Mora is not “a refugee from a bad Japanese Anime.†98. Not allowed to take advantage of the fact that all NPCs sit around twiddling their thumbs unless I’m within a half-mile of them. 99. Mixing Skooma and Cyrodiilic Brandy is not recommended, and I will be cleaning that up. 100. Psijics do not have ESP, nor do they know Miss Cleo. 101. Never tell anyone in full Daedric armor to “bring it.â€

Tell me about it! It was kind of like: "Okay, we need a WIP thre- No, wait! We have to add this mesh! Okay, now, let's add in the tagline for the- Hold up! Grab the beta-testers, and run through this Sanctuary! Almost...just a few more lines and we can post the thre- Oh no! I forgot the alpha for the normal map of that one texture!" You know, stuff like that.

And, before you export, you have to hop on one foot in three counter-clockwise circles, while playing "Sweet Home Alabama" on a kazoo, and clucking like a chicken for the refrain. I have a very complex export checklist. (Don't even ask about the imports.)

*wave* I'm Andalay's modeler friend. When I had the problem, I was using 2.5.05 for the scripts, though I'm updating it now. I also had the problem when I was editing meshes in a folder I normally don't work in. I'm going to see if I can duplicate the error before I install the updated scripts.